Counting Coup!

CoupstickThe Sky Marshal has been orbiting the solar system beyond the Aurora Borealis in the Van Allen Radiation Belt for some time resulting in an intellectual refractory period due to the negative influence of torus of energetic charged particles. Additional physical anomalies impeding his delightful presence on the planet have included significant  BWCA induced stimulation of nociceptors in the peripheral nervous system, giardia lamblia and the Influenza A H1N1 virus. Despite the countless desires for his demise the Sky Marshal has defied such to regenerate after being hurt and wounded by those foes, thus being almost immortal and invincible.

The Sky Marshal is taking stock of his trade and picking up the pieces wherever they fall. He is celebrating his new found disdain for Euroman to embrace his Teton Brule Sioux (i.e. Burnt Thigh) ethnicity by going on the warpath. Beginning in January, 2010 the Sky Marshal is going to expand his cognitive horizon by majoring in American Indian Studies at the Fond Du Lac Tribal Community College. With that endeavor he intends to count coup on primarily the Homes du Sud (i.e. Uncle Bill) and Homes du Est (i.e. Tim).

Apriori the formal declaration of war the Sky Marshal intends to participate in a Sun Dance at the Fish Creek Lodge. There he shall garner the entirety of his Thítȟuŋwaŋ heritage to whack female Odocoileus virginianus with the Love Thumper. Following the incursions of 250 gr. Nosler Spitzer Partitions the coup shall be counted and bounty jerked for winter camp at the Homes du Nord. Take note Euroman! The Sky Marshal is going “Off Rez.”

Going "Off Rez"

Published in: on November 16, 2009 at 11:24 am  Leave a Comment  

SIGG Sucks the Big Shawamba!

“Good things happen when you trade disposable plastic water bottles for an ecologically sound, reusable SIGG bottle. You preserve precious natural resources. You reduce your carbon footprint. And you even save money”. [SIGG. (2009).OUTSIDE: August; p.9]. Does not one have to purchase a 1.5 liter plastic bottle of Evian Mineral Water to fill the SIGG bottle and then discard the partially empty $2.99 “BPA free bottle” to fill the 1.0 liter $21.99  “ecologically sound” aluminum bottle? Where does the extra .5 liter of that “precious natural resource” go?  How about the BPA bottle?  Blah, blah, blah.

HAISTA   VITTU!!

The 1.5 BPA Plastic Bottle

The 1.5 BPA Plastic Bottle

The 1.0 Liter Aluminum Bottle

The 1.0 Liter Aluminum Bottle

The Sky Marshal is exhaustively sick of this entire Mother Phucking Bovine Fecal Material! Carbon footprint…BITE ME! Eco-Friendly…EAT ME! Eco-Experience…SUCK ME! Organic…LICK ME! Recycle-Reuse…PHUCK ME! The SKY MARSHAL had his Granola Head phase about three decades ago. Guess what? He got over all that shit from living on Mifflin Street, hosting a block party and shopping at the Mifflin Street Coop to commune living in the Roosevelt National Forest in the Colorado Rockies.

Christ, living in today’s world of zero tolerance everything, political correctness, consensus building, rhetoric with no reality, embracing the diversity experience and the rest of all the fluffy coochy coo horse shit makes The Sky Marshal want to puke.  Here’s a great one…in Mount Humid the graduating seniors have a publicly announced and scheduled prank day. Is it not true that a prank should be a surprise absentia apriori knowledge?

WHAT THE PHUCK!… Is the Sky Marshal missing a link or two?

More than likely so. Therefore The Sky Marshal shall jettison into a sensitive new age guy (SNAG) so as to not offend the new parvenue of life. Utilizing a binary response to such he imprecrates: Brats v. Tofu; SNAG v. He Man Woman Hater; Haista Vittu v.Olfactory Modality for Vaginal Fragrance; Pit Toilet v. BW Throne; Moose Shit v. Chocolate Drop; Korpu v. Whole Grain Muffin; Paska Housut v. Baby; Smoking Dope v. Native American Religious Ceremony; PBC v. Strong Independent Woman; Syoda Suishinsa Hirvi Paska v. Dining on Alces Feces; Fishing with Leeches v. African American Ictyological Harvest; and with partial perdition, BPA Bottle v. SIGG Aluminum Bottle as well as far too many to acknowledge. Thank God Almighty that the Aurora Borealis has now assumed a SIGG-galactic cocordance and equilibrium.

Published in: on August 6, 2009 at 3:50 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Invisible Wheelchair …

AS MANY OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THE SKY MARSHAL IS A DISABLED GALACTIC CITIZEN. HIS CIVIL RIGHTS ON PLANET EARTH ARE GOVERNED BY THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT OF 1990 INCLUDING CHANGES MADE BY ADA AMENDMENTS OF 2008 (i.e. PL 110-325). TO BE ELIGIBLE THE SKY MARSHAL MUST BE A PERSON WHO HAS A PHYSICAL OR MENTAL IMPAIRMENT THAT SUBSTANTIALLY LIMITS ONE OR MORE LIFE ACTIVITIES, A PERSON WHO HAS A HISTORY OR RECORD OF SUCH AN IMPAIRMENT, OR A PERSON WHO IS PERCEIVED BY OTHERS AS HAVING SUCH AN IMPAIRMENT. CERTAINLY HE EXCEEDS THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT OF BEING A GIMP.

THE SKY MARSHAL, HOWEVER, HAS BEEN SUBJECTED TO RATHER DISCRIMINATORY VERBOSITY BY IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBERS. ONE SAYS THAT BECAUSE THE SKY MARSHAL IS PLANNING A BWCA TRIP WITH UNCLE BILL AND TIM THAT HE MUST USE AN INVISIBLE WHEELCHAIR SIMILAR TO THE ONE THAT PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT USED.

FDR's Invisible Wheelchair

FDR's Invisible Wheelchair

THE OTHER INSISTS THAT BECAUSE THE SKY MARSHAL WILL DRIVE ONE MILE TO THE STORE THAT HE IS “FAKING IT”. ANOTHER KIDDINGLY STATES THAT “SOME OF US HAVE REAL JOBS”. YET, ANOTHER VERY CLOSE TO THE SKY MARSHAL REFERS TO SUCH COMMENTARY AS “MEAN SPIRITED AND UNCALLED FOR”. APPARENTLY THE ONLY WHEREWITHAL AVAILABLE TO THE SKY MARSHAL AT THIS TIME IS TO DELIBERATELY INCREASE HIS DISABILITY TO THAT OF A QUADRIPLEGIC WHOM IS BED-RIDDEN USING A BLOW TUBE.

THE SKY MARSHAL TAKES NONE OF THOSE POSITIONS TO HEART. TO  ADD MORE DISABLING CONDITIONS TO THE FOURTEEN THAT HE ALREADY POSSESSES SEEMS TO BE REDUNDANT LET ALONE FAR TOO MUCH EFFORT. SUCH ASIDE, FEW INDIVIDUALS CAN TRULY APPRECIATE THE IMMENSE RESPONSIBILITIES AND DUTIES OF BEING THE SKY MARSHAL. MERELY GETTING OUT OF BED SUBJECTS THE SKY MARSHAL TO WHAT SEEMS A NEVER ENDING COMPLETION OF APPLICATIONS AND FORMS THAT USUALLY END IN A DENIAL SO AS TO NEGATE THOSE EFFORTS. THE CHALLENGE THEREFORE IS NOT TO DWELL ON DISABILITY BUT THE CONNIVING NECESSARY TO BEAT GOVERNMENT AND SOCIAL SERVICES’ PROGRAM APPLICATIONS AND PENCIL PUSHING “HELPERS” SO AS TO ACTUALLY BE ENTITLED TO A PROGRAM SUBSEQUENT TO FORTY YEARS OF PAYING TAXES AND THEN BEING TOLD IN WRITING THAT ONE DID NOT QUALIFY DESPITE THE AGENCY’S PRIOR WRITTEN APPROVAL OF SUCH.

EVOLVING FROM THE ONCE RATHER COMFORTABLE LIVING TO ONE OF BEING POOR AND ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR AND USING COUPONS IS REALLY NOT AS BAD AS IT APPEARS. INITIALLY IT WAS A SHOCK TO USE THE VISIBLE WHEELCHAIR BUT NOW THE TRANSFORMATION TO THE INVISIBLE WHEELCHAIR IS A GENUINE HALLMARK. SO NOW ALL THE SKY MARSHAL HAS TO SAY TO YOU MEAN SPIRITED SONS OF A BITCHES IS HAISTA VITTU WHILE I AM ROLLING THROUGH LIFE IN THE INVISIBLE WHEELCHAIR AND MISREPRESENTING THE FACT THAT I AM DISABLED. NOW TAKE THAT YOU DIOGENES!

The Sky Marshal's Wheelchair

The Sky Marshal's Visible Wheelchair

The Sky Marshal's Invisible Wheelchair

The Sky Marshal's Invisible Wheelchair

Published in: on July 27, 2009 at 9:25 am  Leave a Comment  

Emancipation Defecation

I AM HAPPY TO JOIN WITH YOU TODAY IN WHAT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE GREATEST DEMONSTRATION FOR FREEDOM  IN THE HISTORY OF THE GALAXY. LET FREEDOM RING FROM EVERY LAKE AND PORTAGE TRAIL IN THE BWCA.

The Sky Marshal, Free at Last

The Sky Marshal, Free at Last

FROM EVERY TOILET de PIT IN THE GREAT BOREAL FOREST, LET FREEDOM RING. FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I AM FREE AT LAST.

ON WEDNESDAY, JULY 22, 2009 AT 12:01 a.m. CST, THE SKY MARSHAL  ONCE AGAIN BECAME A FREE LIFE FORM AFTER BEING RELEASED FROM INVOLUNTARY COMMITMENT PROBATION AS A VALET de CHAMBRE FOR THE CARLTON COUNTY DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS IN THE LAND OF 10,000 TAXES.

NO LONGER LEGALLY DETAINED AS BEING AN “IMMINENT DANGER TO ONESELF,” THE SKY MARSHAL HAS ONCE RESUMED CANOE TRIPPING IN THE TITS BOAT. THE  WHISKEYJACK PADDLE, “PREPOITUS MADIDUS,” AGAIN FEELS AT HOME IN THE DISTILLED PITHEGOREAN COCKTAIL OF THE AURORA BOREALIS’ POST GLACIAL ECOLOGICAL HYDROLOGY. THE DULUTH PACKS ARE CRAMMED IN BETWEEN THWARTS RISING ABOVE THE FREEBOARD. ST. CROIX RODS ARE TROLLING RAPALAS FOR ESOX LUCIUS.

THREATS OF RECOMMITMENT STILL OCCASSIONALLY SURFACE AT  THE SCANLON GROUP HOME AND ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETY. CELEBRATION, HOWEVER, ABOUNDS WITH NOT ONLY THE SMOKING OF A FINE MEDIUM BODIED PERDOMO SLOW AGED LOT 26 NICARAGUAN CIGAR BUT ALSO LUNCH WITH THE SKY MARSHAL’S PROBATION OFFICER (i.e. KIM M.) AT HIS FAVORITE DINING ESTABLISHMENT, THE PICKWICK. THE SKY MARSHAL SHALL BE SEATED AT HIS PERSONAL TABLE BY THE CENTRE WINDOW OVERLOOKING LAC SUPERIEUR WITH BEFORE HIM A GALAXY FAMOUS PEPPER CHEESEBURGER, ONION RINGS AND ICED TEA TOPPED OFF WITH KEY LIME PIE.

JANUARY THROUGH FEBRUARY, 2009 SAW THE SKY MARSHAL UNWILLINGLY  WARDING OFF A STATE OF MINNESOTA MAGISTRATE, DETAINED BY THE CARLTON COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT, HANDCUFFED TO A HOSPITAL BED, SPENDING ELEVEN DAYS IN THE JOINT, THIRTY DAYS OF REVIVIFICATION AND SIX MONTH’S OF A PSEUDO-LIFE AS CLIFFORD HARPER. TIME TO BREAK IN THE NEW PORTAGE BOOTS ON DAILY HUMPS. AH, EBULLIENCE ON THE USS C.A.D.T. SEEMS A LIFETIME AWAY.

Published in: on July 23, 2009 at 1:49 pm  Comments (2)  

The Conclaves of the Great Familial Klans

Gulf Coast Water Color

The Gulf Coast

THE SKY MARSHAL’S ONLY LEGAL FAMILIAL KLAN MEMBERS (i.e. UNCLE MIKE & AUNTIE ROXANNE) LIVE IN DIAMONDHEAD, MISSISSIPPI. THE SKY MARSHAL AND HIS BROTHER ARE VERY CLOSE DUE TO A LESS THAN DESIRABLE SHARED CHILDHOOD IN THE GALACTIC URBAN PROJECTS. UNFORTUNATELY, THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE AURORA BOREALIS AND THE GULF COAST ONLY PERMITS WEEKLY RADIO WAVE TRANSMISSIONS AT THIS TIME.

Aurora Borealis

Aurora Borealis

THUS THE SKY MARSHAL HAS BEEN ADOPTED BY TWO  GREAT FAMILIAL KLANS THAT REGARD AND CARE FOR  HIM AS A COMPEER.  SUCH IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE HOTEL SHARMAGWAN WHO’S STAFF AND ACCOMMODATIONS (see June 26) TAKE FAR BETTER CARE OF THE SKY MARSHAL  THAN EVEN ITS MOST FAMOUS GUEST, GEORGE FRAYNE. AS A RESULT, HOWEVER, OF KAFKAESQUE CONCERN OVER CYBER-INVASION OF PRIVACY THE SKY MARSHAL IS RESTRICTED TO IDENTIFICATION OF SUCH AS THE “K” KLAN AND THE “L” KLAN RESPECTIVELY. IT IS HIS DESIRE TO BRIEFLY ELUCIDATE ON THE EXEMPLARY QUALITIES OF EACH KLAN NOT IN PREFERENTIAL ORDER BUT RATHER ALPHABETIC.

FIRST, THE “K” KLAN. THEORETICALLY THIS IS THE KLAN OF ACTION. THE MOGUL OF THIS KLAN IS UNCLE BILL. THIS YEAR THE “K” KLAN CONCLAVE SHALL BE HELD IN MELLON, WISCONSIN DURING THE LAST WEEK OF JULY . THIS IS THE KLAN WHERE THE SKY MARSHAL DEVOTES HIS ENERGY TO CANOT du NORD TRIP PLANNING. IT WAS THE “K” KLAN THAT  RENDERED TOTAL NON-JUDGEMENTAL SUPPORT AND FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE TO THE SKY MARSHAL WHILE ON HIS USS C.A.D.T. CRUISE. THIS KLAN ALSO SERVES AS THE 302,800 SQ. FT. STORAGE WAREHOUSE FOR THE VOYAGEURS’ FLOTILLA, EQUIPMENT, GEAR AND GIZMOS. IT IS ALSO THE RESIDENCE FOR THE HOMÉS du SUD COMPOUND.

SECONDLY, THE “L” KLAN. REALISTICALLY THIS IS THE KLAN OF INDECISION. THE ROYALTY OF THIS KLAN ARE STAN AND JOYCE. THE SKY MARSHAL’S CONDUIT TO THE “L” KLAN IS PRINCE TIMOTHY STAN AND PRINCESS SUE. KING STAN IDENTIFIES THE KLAN’S  DECISIVE NATURE  AS “FLUIDITY”. THIS YEAR’S “L” KLAN CONCLAVE WAS HELD DURING THE LAST WEEK OF JUNE AND THE FIRST WEEK OF JULY IN MOUNT HUMID (see July 9). THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LARGE MENAGE  WHEN FULLY ASSEMBLED. DUE TO THE FACT THAT THIS KLAN’S CONCLAVE IS UNUSUALLY VAST IT REMAINS UBIQUITOUS TO ANY SORT OF VISIBLE NATURAL PROCESS.  IT ALSO SERVES AS THE SATELLITE VENUE FOR THE HOMÉS du ÉCOUTER COMPOUND.

BOTH KLANS AND THE HOTEL SHARMAGWAN HAVE SERVED AS BONA FIDE FAMILIES TO THE SKY MARSHAL FOR WELL OVER THIRTY YEARS. WHY THESE THREE UNIQUE PHRATRIES HAVE BEEN SO LOVING AND COMPASSIONATE TO THE DEMENTED NATURE AND MINDSET OF THE SKY MARSHAL REMAINS ONE OF THE EMINENT ENIGMAS OF THE AURORA BOREALIS. THE SKY MARSHAL POSSESSES A SERIOUS FLAW IN CAPACITY TO DEMONSTRATE HIS ENDURING LOVE AND AFFECT TO ALL OF THOSE  INHERENT FAMILIAL SOULS WHOM HAVE SO GRACIOUSLY BLESSED HIS GALACTIC LIFE. SIMPLY, ALL HE CAN SAY IS THANK YOU.

Published in: on July 21, 2009 at 1:50 am  Leave a Comment  

A DAY WITH THE HOMIES.

THE SKY MARSHAL VENTURED TUESDAY, JULY 14  INTO THE LAND OF 10,000 TAXES TO BE WITH HIS HOMIES. GREGORY AND JANE WERE FELLOW PASSENGERS WITH THE SKY MARSHAL ON HIS JANUARY – FEBRUARY, 2009 CRUISE ON THE USS CENTER FOR ALCOHOL AND DRUG TREATMENT. THE BOREAL CRUISE LINE BOTH DEPARTS AND ARRIVES AT A SINGLE PORT OF CALL, NAMELY DULUTH, MINNESOTA. THERE THE SKY MARSHAL ENJOYED A SIX WEEK CRUISE WHILE GREGORY SAVORED A FOUR WEEK CRUISE AND JANE PREMATURELY ENDED HER FOUR WEEK CRUISE SUBSEQUENT TO AN ENCOUNTER WITH ONE OF THE SHIP’S NURSES, KIM.

THE SKY MARSHAL AND HIS HOMIES WERE EACH INDIVIDUAL WINNERS OF VARIOUS STATE OF MINNESOTA SWEEPSTAKES. THE SKY MARSHAL UNEXPECTEDLY BEGAN HIS CRUISE AS THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER OF THE CARLTON COUNTY JUDICIAL SWEEPSTAKES. HE WAS THE WINNER OF THE COMMITMENT GRAND PRIZE THAT ALSO INCLUDED AN ADDITIONAL SIX MONTHS OF THE CAPTAIN’S MANAGERIAL SUPPORT. JANE WAS A  WINNER IN THE SAINT LOUIS COUNTY JUDICIAL SWEEPSTAKES FOR HER “WHO CAN HIT THE PECKERHEAD ON THE SUPERCILIUM WITH A VODKA BOTTLE” ENTRY. MEANWHILE GREGORY WAS AN INDIVIDUAL WINNER IN THE STATE OF MINNESOTA’S PSYCHOLOGICAL CHALLENGE SWEEPSTAKES.

THE SWEEPSTAKES WINNERS’ REUNION WAS A RESOUNDING SUCCESS. THE SKY MARSHAL HELPED GREGORY AVOID A SECTION 8 EVICTION PRIZE. JANE’S PRIZE WAS THE FRAMING OF HER FIRST PLACE AWARD IN THE ART THERAPY CRAYOLA COMPETITION FOR HER ARTWORK ENTITLED,  “MING, JASMINE AND HARLEY DAVIDSON.” THE THREE THEN ENJOYED A LUNCHEON SPECIAL AT LITTLE ANGIES IN CANAL PARK RATHER THAN THE USUAL BILL OF FARE AT THE OLD SAN MARCO FLOP-HOUSE PREPARED BY CHEF ALICE WAKEMUP.

Homies Luncheon Restaurant
Homies’ Luncheon Restaurant
Chef Alice Wakemup
Chef Alice Wakemup

DURING LUNCH FOND MEMORIES OF OTHER CRUISE PASSENGERS INCLUDING SASSY CASSY, BIG DADDY, COWBOY, SNOWBALL, GOLDFISH, ORCA, MOM, KIT KAT, THUNDER THIGHS, AND CONVICT AS WELL AS OTHERS WERE SHARED AS DELICIOUS DINING CONVERSATION.

MOREOVER, THE SKY MARSHAL DESIRES TO EXPRESS HIS PROFOUND LOVE AND ADMIRATION TO UNCLE BILL WHO TRAVELED 350 MILES TO VISIT HIM ON THE USS C.A.D.T.

Uncle Bill in USS C.A.D.T. Ballroom
Uncle Bill in USS C.A.D.T. Ballroom

ADDITIONALLY UNCLE BILL PURCHASED FOR THE SKY MARSHAL AN ENGRAVED {PREPOITUS MADIDUS} WHISKEY JILL PADDLE FROM THE SHIP’S ENTREPOT.

Whiskey Jill
Whiskey Jill

IT WAS UNCLE BILL WHO PRINCIPALLY GUIDED THE SKY MARSHAL BACK TO GENUINE NATURE OF LIFE UPON HIS POST CRUISE ARRIVAL AT THE  PORT OF DULUTH. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH UNCLE BILL!


Published in: on July 16, 2009 at 4:17 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Sky Marshal Has Neurological Windup

A TREMENDOUS SENSE OF GRATITUDE IS EXTENDED TO TIM WHO HAS EXPLAINED THE NATURE OF THE SKY MARSHAL’S NEUROLOGICAL BASIS OF CHRONIC PAIN MUCH TO THE DISMAY OF UNCLE BILL.

The Brain Centers of Windup

The Brain Centers of Windup

IT IS KNOWN AS NEUROLOGICAL WINDUP WHEREAS UNCLE BILL REFERS TO IT AS “WHINEUP”. HE CONTINUES TO BE INSENSITIVE  TO THE SKY MARSHAL’S NEED FOR SYMPATHY AND COMPASSION AS A RESULT OF HIS VORTEX OF INDECISION HANGOVER.

IT IS THE BEST PROFESSIONAL JUDGMENT OF THIS LEARNED VOYAGEUR EMERITUS THAT UNCLE BILL HAS NOT ONLY LOST HIS PADDLE  BUT HIS FLETCHER’S FANCY AS WELL. WHAT IS THERE TO GAIN BY MAKING FUN OF THE SKY MARSHAL’S SERIOUS CHRONIC HEALTH PROBLEM? SUCH ONLY SERVES TO SIGNIFICANTLY ERODE THE SKY MARSHAL’S SELF-ESTEEM. THE SKY MARSHAL IS ALREADY ON THE PRECIPICE OF SUCCUMBING TO THE GREAT ABYSS OF THE AURORA BOREALIS BY TUMBLING INTO DEEP DESPAIR.

THE SKY MARSHAL, HOWEVER, IS CONSTANTLY PROVIDING POSITIVE  AND UPLIFTING SUPPORT TO UNCLE BILL DURING HIS TIME OF INDECISION REGARDING OUR FALL, 2009 CANOE TRIP DESTINATION INTO THE UNKNOWN WILDS OF NORTH AMERICA. HE HAS EVEN SECURED THE HIGHEST QUALITY PUROS FOR THE VOYAGEURS EMERITI!

Our Backcountry Puros

Our Backcountry Puros

THE SKY MARSHAL’S DAILY SHUFFLES TO PREPARE FOR THE ARDUOUS HUMPING OF PORTAGES WHILE UNCLE BILL CARRIES HIS DULUTH PACKS ARE NOW THE NORM IN THE METROPOLIS OF SCANLON. NO SEXUAL FANTASIES TO CONFUSE THE SKY MARSHAL’S DEVOTION TO THE CANOE TRIPPING FIESTA. CELIBACY IS THE CANONICAL RITE SO AS TO SAVE EVERY BIT OF STRENGTH AND ENERGY TO FOLLOW UNCLE BILL’S LEADERSHIP INTO THE YET UNDECIDED TERRITORY OF THE HOMÉS du NORD.

UNCLE BILL, LET IT BE KNOWN THAT DESPITE THE POSSIBILITY OF EVEN GREATER PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPAIRMENT THE SKY MARSHAL’S WEASEL BREATH SHALL BE BLOWING ITS SWEET AROMA YOUR WAY THROUGHOUT OUR FIVE DAY ADVENTURE. THE SKY MARSHAL IS HERE FOR YOU UNCLE BILL. TO SUPERVISE…TO CONSOLE…TO SCOUT…TO MENTOR. TIM AND I REMAIN YOUR FAITHFUL CANOE TRIPPING ALTAR BOYS IN CASSOCK AND SURPLICE VESTMENTS. HEY, UNCLE BILL WE LOVE YOU!

Published in: on July 13, 2009 at 8:16 pm  Comments (1)  

The Vortex of Indecision Continues …

What is a Sky Marshal to do? The Tres BWCA Banditos met at the KFF estate to finalize their Fall, 2009 trip to the BWCA. Three puros were consumed as as they entered the Vortex of Indecision that had plagued Uncle Bill during the Sky Marshal’s visit to Mount Humid. Would the vortex transform itself into a black hole incapable of sending or receiving insight? Will the gravitational field of the event horizon become so powerful that a decision cannot be made? The Homés du Nord and Homés du Sud contingencies had finalized three canoe tripping locales while the New York faction was trapped in the vortex of indecision quickly evolving into a black hole over dates in which it had complete temporal configuration autonomy.

Indecision Vortex Being Absorbed by the Black Hole.

Indecision Vortex Being Absorbed by the Black Hole.

A wedding. A lecture. A decision about Igor. Will Tim ever decide?  Can the annual gathering come to fruition? Tim attempting to avoid the gravitational pull of the black hole tentatively stated, “I shall let you know in two days when I get back to New York.” To date there is still no decision that the Sky Marshal is aware of.  It is imperative that the Aurora Borealis avoid the inward gas spirals of the Aurora Australis whereby both would be consumed and crushed by the Schwarschild Radius resulting in no Fall, 2009 BWCA trip.

During the Sky Marshal’s dangerous undertaking to Joyce and Stan’s Clan Vortex of Indecision emanating from Mineral Point Road Uncle Bill was in psychological crisis accumulating credits to avoid Burn Time. Only the sanctuary of paddling the Prepoitus Madidus with Uncle Bill and the Hotel Sharmagwan afforded The Sky Marshal immunity from the Vortex of Indecision. Even AWK’s “Couples Only” bonfire of the vanities was incapable of the vortex’s siren of irresolution. The velocity necessary to escape the concentrated singularity of indecision’s spepherical boundary is rapidly approaching collapse of  the Homés du Nord.

The Sky Marshal has called upon the perfect master, Commander Cody of the Lost Planet Airmen to guide him through the stellar particulates of the vortex of indecision. Stan the Man refers to the phenomenon as “Fluidity.” Joyce has no identifiable theorem. Assuming Uncle Bill may still be in psychological crisis the Commander has suggested he play his autographed copy of “Lost at the Armadillo World Headquarters” to regain his sanity. The enigma, however, continues to remain a monolithic property capable of collapsing the mass, charge and angular momentum of the Voyageurs Emeriti.

Published in: on July 11, 2009 at 6:47 pm  Leave a Comment  

Where the Phuck was the Sky Marshal?

OH MY DOG DIED LAST YEAR AND LEFT ME ALL ALONE AND THE FINANCE COMPANY WANTS TO REPOSSESS MY HOME.

Mr. Mohawk

Mr. Mohawk

THUS, SUCH NECESSITATED A RESPITE IN MOUNT HUMID WHEREBY I JUST RECENTLY RETURNED TO THE HOMÉS du NORD FROM THE HOMÉS du SUD TO FIND THE AURORA BOREALIS IN IN A PROVINCE OF MUCKLED BUNKUM. MY STAY AT THE HOTEL SHARMAGWAN WAS A GRATIFYING INDULGENCE.

Hotel Sharmagwan

Hotel Sharmagwan

MY INTERACTIONS WITH MY TWO BELOVED BEST FRIENDS UNCLE BILL AND TIM WERE FABULOUS DESPITE THE LACK OF A SIGNIFICANT TEMPORAL CONFIGURATION. AND THEN THERE WAS THE EVER PRESENT VORTEX OF INDECISION THAT STIMULATED MASSIVE THWARTING OF UNCLE BILL’S PYSCHÉ.

Voyageurs Emeriti, 2009

Voyageurs Emeriti, 2009

THE SKY MARSHAL’S  WHISKEY JILL  PREPOITUS MADIDUS CANOE PADDLE WAS BAPTIZED BY UNCLE BILL IN THE ROLLS ROYCE OF CANOES, THE AMERICAN TRADERS’ ATKINSON TRAVELER, IN THE SANATIVE WATERS OF THE GOVERNOR DODGE’S TWIN VALLEY LAKE. ITS RECEPTION OF THE FIRST SACRAMENT WAS MOST GRATIFYING AS A RESULT OF FATHER UNCLE BILL’S BLESSING. THE SKY MARSHAL AND UNCLE BILL ADDITIONALLY VENTURED INTO THE CHOPPY FLUID OF LAKE MENDOTA TO BIRD DOG SOME TRIM AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN’S MEMORIAL UNION TO A RATHER LIMITED AVAIL.

Governor Dodge State Park

Governor Dodge State Park

Lake Mendota

Lake Mendota

AN INTERESTING HIGHLIGHT WAS THE NATTER AT AWK’S  FOURTH OF JULY “COUPLES ONLY” PARTY  BONFIRE ON THE KFF PROPERTY WHERE THE SKY MARSHAL WAS STRICTLY PROHIBITED TO CRASH VIA AWK’S MOTHERS’ CONVEYANCE OF SUCH TO THE HOTEL SHARMAGWAN’S STAFF.

"The Couple"

"The Couple"

KFF Property Fire Ring

KFF Property Fire Ring

NATURALLY THE SKY MARSHAL IMPOSED MARSHAL LAW SO AS TO DISREGARD THE PROHIBITION BASED UPON AWK’S PERSONAL INVITATION TO ATTEND. THE GALACTIC EFFECT HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED.

THE FINAL FARE-STAGE OF THE EMPRISE WAS A FOUR HOUR CHAUFFEURED OBEQUITATE BY UNCLE BILL TO CONNECT WITH A LACKADAY INTIMACY. THE ENCOUNTER WAS NOT ONLY AMBROSIAN BUT VAGOUS AS WELL. IT IS NOW TIME FOR A THANATOPIS OF A DRUNK AND ITS IMPACT UPON LIFE. THE SKY MARSHAL, HOWEVER, IS NOW AGAIN IN THE ASYLUM OF THE AURORA BOREALIS FREE TO DISPENSE RANCOR AND ELUCIDATION ABSENTIA REPRISE.

My Galactic Partner

My Galactic Partner

Published in: on July 9, 2009 at 8:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

I’LL PASS ON THE SPAM

THERE IS LITTLE DOUBT THAT THE SKY MARSHAL IS A BONA FIDE KNUCKLEHEAD. MERELY ASK ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIM. HE HAS LONG BEEN RECUSANT IN HIS OVERTURE TO ALMOST EVERYTHING. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE SKY MARSHAL HAS ON ALL TOO MANY OCCASIONS FOUND HIMSELF BEHIND THE EIGHT BALL. OFTEN HIS WELL INTENTIONED PRELUDES ARE MISINTERPRETED TO SERVE AS A CATALYST FOR INTERPERSONAL CONFUSION  FOR BOTH SENDING AND RECEIVING PARTIES. BASICALLY THE SKY MARSHAL IS A STUBBORN ENIGMA WHO HAS BEEN KNOWN TO GO “OFF GRID” FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

NOW THE DILEMMA. CURRENTLY THE SKY MARSHAL IS EVOLVING INTO AN OVERT PRESENCE “ON GRID” WITH A RATIONALE THAT EVEN HE DOES NOT COMPREHEND. HE HAS LONG HAD AN ADDICTIVE PERSONA MOST CLEARLY MANIFESTED OF HIS OVER THIRTY YEARS OF BEING A DRUNK, ENDLESS PURSUIT OF HIGHER EDUCATION AND INCESSANT FASCINATION WITH GIZMOS. TOO OFTEN THE SKY MARSHAL MAKES THE INCORRECT ASSUMPTION THAT HIS ZEST FOR CURRENT PERSEVERATION WILL BE ALSO HELD BY THOSE CLOSE TO HIM.

CASE IN POINT. I STARTED THIS BLOG NONSENSE BECAUSE, WELL, IT SEEMED AS THOUGH I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO OCCUPY MY TIME. AS MANY OF YOU KNOW I AM DISABLED AND NO LONGER CAPABLE OF WEEKLY DRIVES OF APPROXIMATELY ONE THOUSAND MILES TO TEACH GRADUATE COURSES AT THREE DIFFERENT UNIVERSITY CAMPUSES IN THE HOMES du NORD. YET MY MIND IS RELATIVELY FUNCTIONAL AND DEMENTED AS EVER. TO THAT END I ASKED MY TWO BEST FRIENDS WHO ARE THE MOST INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS I KNOW, NAMELY UNCLE BILL AND TIM, TO SERVE AS COAUTHORS OF THIS BLOG WITH EGALITARIAN ACCESS AND CONTROL. ONE SAID, “I’M IN” WHILE THE OTHER REPLIED, “NO THANK YOU, NOT AT THIS TIME.” I WAS ELATED BY THE FIRST AND SADDENED BY THE SECOND THEREBY RESULTING IN THIS PUBLIC VULNERABILITY TO THE SECOND SACRAMENT.

Thanks, I'll Pass

Thanks, I'll Pass

I SUSPECT THAT IN TIME ONE SHALL ASCERTAIN WHICH OF THESE TWO FABULOUS HUMAN BEINGS MADE WHICH DECISION. WHAT IS IMPORTANT, HOWEVER, IS THAT THE CANOT du NORD VOYAGEURS RAISON WILL BE DEPRIVED THE FANTASTIC INTELLECT, ACUMEN, HUMOR AND SAGACITY OF ONE OF THE UNSURPASSED THINKERS OF THIS NATION. NO SHIT, I KID YOU NOT!

SINCERELY I REMAIN,

THE SKY MARSHAL OF THE AURORA BOREALIS

Uncle Bill

Uncle Bill

Tim & The Sky Marshal

Tim & The Sky Marshal

Published in: on June 27, 2009 at 5:54 pm  Leave a Comment  
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